I’m pretty sure I could start every blog post, saying living with a chronic illness isn’t easy, but it’s sadly oh so true and there are so many times that you end up worrying about something. Here is a short list of what I’ve been worrying about recently and why, some of these are super silly to worry about, I know that, but I can’t help but worry about them.
I’m pretty sure this seems a bit random but when my Endometriosis came back I started to do a lot of vomiting. Some days I was vomiting for up to 10 hours! There was also a lot of vomiting post surgery and from sepsis. Even now nearly two years post surgery I’m still vomiting. Thankfully not as frequently, but it’s still happening and there’s a lot of acid in vomit and bile which corrodes the enamel on your teeth and we’ve moved three times in the three years since my Endometriosis has come back and I haven’t re-registered with a dentist. I have nightmares about my teeth now.
I haven’t seen a few of my sweet friends since our wedding day back in 2015. That doesn’t mean I haven’t spoken to them, just that we haven’t physically seen each other since and gotten together. Everyone is busy with their own lives, building carers, changing carers, holidaying, running marathons, buying houses and having babies. It doesn’t always help we all live in different parts of the UK but travelling to see people has been difficult because of my illness and the timing around my cycle. Which makes me feel awkward and like a really shit friend.
This one properly isn’t much of a surprise but of course, my health has affected the amount of income I’ve been able to generate even with being self-employed. There’s no sick or holiday pay when you’re freelance and I don’t have any passive income streams or do affiliate marketing. Therefore my income has really bounced around these last three years and I’ve been so lucky my husband has been so supportive but sometimes my income hasn’t surpassed what I used to earn working part-time in retail, which is stupid but makes me sad! This is something I really want to change.
I’m blissfully lucky (maybe) to be both left and right brained. I’m not artistic but I am creative, mainly with writing and words but I am also strategic. Which I think should be awesome and amazing but I’ve been struggling for a while to align these two parts of myself with my calling of helping other women with chronic illnesses. I feel like I’ve wasted my time and talents not moving forward, even if it was a bad move forward because I’ve felt paralysed by not knowing what to do! I’ve been keeping myself stuck, there is something holding me back and I don’t know what it is!
Related: When Surgery Doesn’t Go To Plan
My illnesses affect’s your fertility and as of my 2016 surgery I no longer have fallopian tubes, not that we were able to get pregnant before but now the only way to get pregnant is through IVF and we started our IVF in July 2017 and as of August 2018 we haven’t gotten very far with this journey… yet! But I’ve been wanting to become a Mama for six years and it just feels like it never going to happen.