BBC1 played Morecambe and Wise‘s Christmas Show tonight and nostalgia hit me. Even though we’re quickly approaching my third year without my Father in it, I normally manage quite well around Christmas. Other than that first awful Christmas that we just don’t talk about. But my Dad was a big fan of the older comedian’s such as Morecombe and Wise, although he did much prefer the Two Ronnie’s but when they werre on tonight it just sort of hit me, all by surprise. Maybe because I’ve been thinking a lot about Christmas traditions and how Ryan and I are slowly mixing the ones we grew up with and making our own, and we’ve been discussing those traditions and what we liked and didn’t like about them. But today I’m missing my Dad something fierce, something I haven’t allowed myself to do in a while. Mainly because life has been so busy it’s been pushed to the back of my mind which makes me feel selfish and like a bad daughter, even though I know he’d understand it makes me sad to realise I haven’t given him much thought this time of year.
Flickr was kind enough to extend my pro account for three more months as a Christmas present which makes me very happy because I’ve been using it for six years and have lots of comments on there from my Dad, which was my primary reason for opening an flickr account to begin with so my Dad could see what I’d seen while I was at University. In extending my pro account it meant I could view all the pictures I’d uploaded this year of my Dad including the one above. I picked it without realising that it was a Christmas photo with my Dad. I just thought it was cute because I was dancing on his feet, we used to ‘dance’ even in my early teens although I no longer stood on his toes!
Then I go back to being sad because I won’t get to dance with him on my wedding day and I hadn’t really given this point any thought or really allowed myself to until now.