This year has been hard.

This year has been hard.

Every time I’ve thought. God this year is hard or life is hard, this year and life seem to think that’s a challenge and go aha challenge accepted, this is how we can make it worse for you.

I’m lucky, ridiculously lucky in the grand scheme of things.

I work for myself and can earn as much as I would part time when I’m sick.
I have an amazing support group with my husband, mum, and bff with a different chronic illness. That will answer my woe is me texts no matter the time of day and support me through my bad mental health days and my shit unwell days.

I still try my hardest to see life through rose coloured glasses but as 2016 has gone on I’ve really struggled with it and December has definitely been the icing on the cake while everyone was gearing up for Christmas, I was gearing myself up for Marjory surgery that not only didn’t turn out like planned, didn’t follow my recovery plan at all and involved a blood transfusion and a trip to a&e with an infection and two collections.

With six days to Christmas as I write this I’m still 90 odd miles away from my husband who I’ve only seen in the flesh once since this whole ordeal started 20 days ago and all I seem to do is feel tired and nap and taking some kind of pill (antibiotics, iron, painkiller) nap again and I’ve finally started being able to eat again.

Somebody really needs to point out how slow recovery can be from surgery and how not only can things knock it back but that you end up feeling weak and vulnerable and hating how that makes you feel which leads to a completely different kind of spiral but god does it suck.

My recovery has not been all fairytales and roses this time around and in all honesty, makes me dread ever having surgery again and my upcoming scan in just two weeks time because it will be over my dead body if I need to go back into hospital anytime soon.